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” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks.. “What do you mean?” “Lightweight! You know.” “You mean like a lush?” “Yeah, like a lush, Miss Ohio, 1958. Jeez... You gotta get out more.” Elaine sighed. “Yeah, I know. I just don’t like the crush and the drinking. The music’s okay, I guess.” “And some of the men are just dreamy.” “Chelsea doesn’t seem to think so.” “Chelsea wouldn’t know a real man if he bit her on the ass.” “Mmmmm.” Elaine giggled. “Mmmmm.” Kendra echoed, winking and grinning. When the pleasant moment had passed, Kendra leaned forward a little and whispered, “I hope you didn’t mind that I put you in bed and tidied up a bit last night. I thought it might be a bit embarrassing to wake up like that.” Elaine didn’t know why she took the bait, but she did. “Like what?” “Like, sprawled over your bed, all the lights on, stark naked with a vibrator in your hand.” “Oh.” The image made her speechless, and wet. God, she even put panties on me! “Just wait till I get the.
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